To Those She Left Behind

TrinaThis is a blog I wrote four years ago when my best friend of 32 years died of Ovarian Cancer.  It is the anniversary of her death tomorrow and I decided to share it once again, in remembrance.  Morbid, but we write what we know.  She was a grand soul who brought laughter to many lives.  R.I.P. my dearest friend.

Trina Diane Rodgers, an amazing soul was brought into this world on September 19, 1968. Trina fought the battle of a lifetime ,Ovarian Cancer, and finally gave up the fight on 18 October 2007. Trina leaves behind Aaron, her son; Rachel, her daughter, three sisters (Kim, Tabitha and Sue) , brother David, her mother and step-father, niece Maria and a family of friends, co-workers and school-mates. Trina, known by all for her sense of humor and resilient human-spirit even in the face of all odds, will be forever missed by all.

That’s the simple side of things. How do you sum up a person in 300 spaces or less? How do you tell the world how this person changed your life? How one person held such a large piece of your reality? Have you ever had a friend that you told all to? That knew every nook and cranny of your psyche and still loved you? That could tell by a sigh that something was on your mind. Trina and I talked at least 3 times per day. At work and after work. Either way..there was always something to talk about. Kids, marriage, death, work, cancer, fighting the odds, pain management, friends, love, sex, hobbies..you name it. She was a friend to all. She had an amazing spirit, free, humorous, and a positive outlook on life.

This one person who knew all my secrets, took them to the grave. The one person that wasn’t afraid to be honest, even when it hurt. To not agree no matter how bad I wanted her to. Thirty two years of friendship came down to just holding hands.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Not words to live by that’s for sure. Watching the friends come visit her, to hold her hand, to cry for the loss. To see her wonderful sister Kim hold so strong, for everyone else. Judi, sitting by her side, weeping softly, as she is the tender soul, the mother in all of us. Aaron, so young, so strong of spirit, wanting to pull the cancer out of her body, to make her whole again. She loved him so much, was so proud, wished him every success and wept at his self-inflicted pain, taking it as her own. Knowing without a doubt he would be successful, whole, loved. Wishing the best of all worlds for Rachel, the daughter she gave to a better life than she could offer so many years ago. Hearing her speak of the daughter she had not seen in so many years, with pride, protective mother instincts, love and longing for a different path.

Watching her through the years..fighting with her, loving each other, growing up and learning. She helped me find myself on many an occasion. She gave comfort to many without judgement.Trina in Scarf

She held out on love, waiting for Mr. Right. Passing Mr. Okay up many a time. Her hilarious laughter, we could always find a dose of that. She loved to dance. She learned to kick box. She learned to make the most fantastic no-nut banana bread. She learned tact and trust and love and forgiveness. She was a woman who learned to listen to her body, the world around her. She loved long hair and hated her hair short. She taught me to drink coffee and how to be a better friend. She found the love of painting (Bob Ross), her beautiful lab, Precious, another child to her.

So many memories, thousands in fact. I’m just finding it impossible to process this. Tonight I walked over to the phone to call her..to tell her all the news. I remembered she would not answer.

I wish for one more hug, one more “what’s up my biotch?”. The void seems like it will swallow me whole right now. Where is that rewind button when you need it? How do I move forward when my feet seem to be frozen. When does the crashing wave of grief let me breathe?

She did not want us to mourn for her, but to celebrate all she did and what she lived for, LIFE. Don’t look back because tomorrow is here soon enough.

With love and deepest sadness I say goodbye to this amazing woman. I will forever miss you Trina, my dearest friend.

The Game of Life- 21st Century Update

My funny bone has healed somewhat and I’m ready to write a “bit”. Recently I played the game “Life”. It had been years, since I was a teenager, that we pulled that game out of the closet. My whole family used to play games, Yahtzee, Life, Parcheesi, Trivial Pursuit. That was about the same time Nintendo hit the market, when no one could afford to buy it and kids still played outside all day. Yeah..and wagons were a common site in our Amish village.

I fondly remember the game, we used to fight over the color cars and lose count as to who’s turn it was. Vivid memories of freaking my father out when I put a new spin on the family game and took a pink peg as my “spouse”. The fun I had with that reaction.

For those who don’t remember the game (you must be about 10 yrs old then) it’s a board game where you move through various life events (marriage, buying a house, babies, paydays, winning lotteries, trees falling on cars, night school, more babies, insurance claims, taxes, etc) Pretty on target for the 60’s – 80’s eras. Well we have come a long way baby and a few suggestions on updating the game came up while playing. Ideas that seemed to more in tune with families today. Just keeping it “real”.

You car is hit by a meteor or unknown alien vessel and is NOT covered by insurance because you don’t have Geico
Your spouse has an affair with the groomer
You discover your spouse is on “the down low” and wearing your clothes
Teen pregnancies (multiples)
You are carjacked for your 1980 Honda Accord, again, no Geico, pay 5,000 to replace the stereo
You loose 45,000 a year job due to downsizing, and start selling crack for 90,000
Get treatment for chlamydia at free clinic, no charge
Your drunk neighbor falls on your porch and sues you for 100,000, you pay 200,000
Get second mortgage to pay for community college for oldest daughter (50,000)
Pay for counseling for son, he thinks he is IN a video game (pay 5,000)
Sex change operation for son (therapy was a bust) pay 100,000
Pay for therapy for father after son’s surgery (6,000)
Choose career as Teacher (35,000 annual pay)
Daughter becomes a stripper (1,000 a night).
Your life becomes a reality show and is cancelled after third season (250,000) your friends now hate you
Breast Augmentation, pay 15,000 or do it cheap for 8,000
Join Jenny Craig for 12 weeks pay 2,000
Life is short..live it large!

Rewind and Give Me Rice Krispies

There are days that you should be able to stop the clock, rewind, and start over. I’ll take Rice Krispies please.

Today was one of those days.  This is the kind of blog where the %$#@ kind of words would work so well, but then again, who can read @#$%nbsp;

My cat is coughing up a golf ball sized hairball and dinner was old spaghetti. What a great ending to a shitty day. 

I won’t bore you with the details …there are to many for my short brain span at this time of night. Let’s just say that Tuesday better dawn bright and sunny or I’m gonna go apply for a job with the post office.  

This is where I’m gonna piss a few women off..I’m labelling this my PMS week. It’s part of the bylaws of the other club I belong to, The Depressed Vagina Club. Are you noticing a trend here? 

6 AM: If you have never suffered from an abrupt mood swing then here is a small sampling. You wake up Monday morning, 20 minutes late, the dog has pooped on the living room rug, you can’t find your left shoe, the 7-year-old takes 40 minutes to crawl out of bed and only after the 5th reminder, coffee maker went tits up without notice, and you still have to stop for gas and get a second grader to school by 8. No problemo on a usual Monday. But NOOOO today is a little more…the hair is flat, a huge pimple has suddenly decided to take residence up between your eyes, 5 more wrinkles are winking at you beside your left eye (the right looks pretty good), you forgot to shave and now are looking to braid the hair, and the underwire on your bra is now stabbing you in the armpit and it’s your last clean bra. 

7:20 AM Well no biggee for a REAL woman! We can handle the simple things. WHAT???? We are OUT of cocoa for my coffee? What the **^% ? Last straw, but the 7-year-old is watching me out of rounded eyes, just looking for that second head. 

OFF TO WORK on a 1/4 tank of gas as there is NO time to stop for a fill or a new bra for that matter. 

8:00 AM Arriving at work in one piece (miracle no. 2) you notice that there is a line of people outside your door..and it’s Monday. Fax this, email this, sign this, what time is this, or that, and can you please….. NO NO NO.

8:10 AM: You vainly search your purse for that rewind button you saw there just last week. It’s a little yellow thing..how can you miss that? Oh YESSS..there is that overdue water bill..ooops…due by 5 pm today. You stab your finger on an earring you no longer have the match to..but just know you can use it somewhere.

No luck on that rewind button…another time. 

8:30 AM Your boss stops at your door…lounging against it, hot cup of java in his hands. What’s up he says? Of course HE is dressed perfectly…not a hair out of place…all 50 of them perfectly at ease.

10 AM: Midmorning break..I’m drinking my cold coffee from this morning and sucking down a cigarette like it’s my last. Breath rushing in and out of my lungs like a marathon runner..it’s my meditation time. Smokers bond..we don’t need to know names..just facts about any intimate secret in your life. If you are a smoker, you know that secret club. 

Now by this time some of you are asking…what the hell is the Depressed Vagina Club….? It is for those women who are going through life either not getting enough or to much of a not so good thing (perpetual fakers). For every woman there is a short-term to long-term membership in “The Club”. 

5PM: Off work, on the way to pick up my son from daycare.. He’s been involved in a “Fight”..he called a boy a midget while playing tag and another boy had hurt feelings so threw my son to the ground. The teacher explains it’s the same thing..emotional and physical hurting. I quietly rip off her face and piss down her neck. NO problem. Time to find that rewind button. 

6PM: Arrive home to humping dogs Such a pleasure..at least someone is getting some.But WAIT!hey are both FIXED! 

6:30: Finish threatening my son to finish homework for 50th time, look longingly at bottle of Tylenol PM. Dinner is served

11PM: Finished laundry, vacuumed, dusted, did dishes, clothes ready for tomorrow, updated online emails, posted add for sanity, dyed hair, cleaned bathroom, chatted on the phone, cleaned out garage,scaled Mt Everest, talked to the dead, and drafted plan for international peace treaty. Tylenol PM kicking in..wowowowow…only take 2! Double vision and I think my Vagina is internally dancing..or something. Time for sleep. 

Good Night….

540AM: Wake up..on time…Tuesday morning…the sun is shining and Dwayne, The Rock, Johnson is waiting for me in the shower…