Attack of the Killer Bees

Bees..yes..the yellow/black flying bugs that are here everywhere! They are sneaky bastards. Flying low, under radar, and then POOF into some unsuspecting opening, only to land you with that unwanted kiss.

Damn..they are out! They are the only reason I love winter..they die in winter. It’s too cold, windy, rainy. But OHHH no..it’s warming up or they have invested in fur jackets. Out flying solo today, saw them myself.

As a five year old (maybe 4) I remember having a bee land on my nose and just sit there. I remember sweating and my heart thumping and that’s when the “phobia” started.

You know..some books actually suggest exposing yourself to your fear over and over to help ease the fear. How the hell is a person really capable of that? I mean..you are irrationally afraid of something, are you going to purposely expose yourself to it? Are you on CRACK?

So each September thru October I hide in my house. I check the doorways, the walkways and the eaves. My car windows stay up (I have luck of them flying in on me) and I absolutely PANIC when I hear buzzing.

I can distinguish between an african desert fly, arabic horse fly, housefly, Tanzania Blood Fly and a BEE! Just by the buzz! I can leap tall buildings, benches, light posts, people, large dogs and maybe even an SUV to get away from a bee.

It’s not just any bee..but the hornets and yellow jackets. YES I KNOW..they are NOT bees, but wasps. Okay..the rational part..what purpose do they serve? They bother picnics, they bite and sting, and they are really mushy when dead. They litter our poor window sills and back windows in hot summer. Okay..so they pollenate..we could pay someone to do that! Right?

Rational? Definitely not. For those people that like to tease me and say “stand still” there is a bee right next to you…Grab a spoon and eat some ass..:) I say that with love. For those that aren’t bothered by them..YOU ARE MY HERO!

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